Growing up in a traditional Asian family meant that there was extreme pressure and high expectations to be a straight-A student. This came with lots of criticism in my family, and as a result, I was very insecure and nervous about my performance. I had difficulty accepting failures or even mistakes, becoming hypercritical or authoritative, and always carrying a fear of not being good enough, dwelling on the imperfect parts of my life.
When I was older and completed a very intense PhD, the stress and anxieties that came with it all took my body down. I was put on antidepressants having been diagnosed with chronic anxiety, depression and passive suicidal thoughts.
But the truth is that anytime I faced stress in my life, the same things would occur, chronic tension in the body, anxiety, sleep problems. No amount of massages, acupuncturists, herbalists, pilates or yoga was going to help me. I started to realize the relationship between our mental and physical body. I needed to fix the mindset around the demanding stresses in my life otherwise I would continue to react to stress and the demands and this fear of failure in the same way throughout my life.
Our mind has unlimited power and choice. Stress can be managed, anxiety can be reduced, and depression can be regulated—if one really determines to take the control back in life instead of being controlled.
After realizing I needed to focus on this mindset and take some time for myself, taking time away from my usual work demands in a “gap year” I healed a lot. My travels took me to Indonesia, and brought me new opportunities in life. I discovered alternative medicine and holistic, learning to understand myself more, I finally understood where I was going wrong all this time and it was about my mind to help heal my body.
The struggles I have experienced are also my medicine, to help teach others who struggled similarly to me. Realizing that you don’t have to live in the permanent darkness of your mind, you can take your life in the direction you want.
